i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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