Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize