the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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