i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
