I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
