mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
