Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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