i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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