You're my little dorito
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
