just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
