Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
