Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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