She is in my trunk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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