Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
