i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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