you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
