mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize