i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
