We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
