I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
