Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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