so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize