I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
