thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
