you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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