Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ttyl tear gas
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
