I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
only you would photoshop your dick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
