becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
