These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize