I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
