saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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