he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
