I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm bleeding and have questions
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
