It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
