Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
