You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
