I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
