I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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