I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
