dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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