Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize