my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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