They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
