omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
