Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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