her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
