Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
