The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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