It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
