I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
