quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
