if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
