Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize