Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You ruined the universe
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
