god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
