Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
