Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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