so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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