he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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