I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
