My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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