watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize