everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
