coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
