Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
