your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
