Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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