oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
