the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
