Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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