He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
