I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
