That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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