Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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