it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize