paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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