Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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