and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
