So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
