Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
