I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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