Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize