i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
