After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize