He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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