I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
