Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
