i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize