just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
