I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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