cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
