im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
