oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
