we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I could fuck to npr.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
