Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
