and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
