Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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