what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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