I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
