textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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