I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
