i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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