it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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