Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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