i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
